Kitchen Spiders
by Cherry Flavored Awesome
Summary: OH MY GOD, THAT'S A HUGE SPIDER!  Part 5 of 5 in my "Picking on the Nordics" series.


It all started with a surprised yelp from Finland. He was being his normal sweet self (But still feeling bad about his attack on poor Iceland and Puffin), when he got to the kitchen. Oh, dear…

"GYAAA!" Tino screamed like a 12-year-old girl (Ouch. Serious damage. He hoped no one else was around to hear that.) and jumped onto the counter. "S-s-s-s-spider…!" was the most he could whisper. And oh, what a spider it was.

Iceland entered the kitchen. "I want your love and I want your revenge, you and me could write a bad- SPIDER!"

In an instant, Iceland was up on the counter with Finland. "A-ah… Iceland…" "F-f-f-f-finland!" "I… I just want you to know that… I'm really sorry about last week, I have no idea what came over me…" "It's ok…"

Norway entered the kitchen. "What are you- ACK!"

Norway was right up there with them. "Oh, dear God, how did that thing…" "Didn't an exterminator come, like, yesterday?" "A thing that size? Of course it got in! It's the size of a f-" "HEY! What are you guys doing on the counter? Is there some sort of counter party- OH GOD!" Denmark stood paralyzed as the spider stared him down. "Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." The spider slowly advanced across the table (probably would have gone faster, but couldn't due to it's immense size.).

"D-Denmark, honey…" Norway said as calmly as possible (which, was really hard, since the spider was now baring its enormous fangs at his boyfriend) "I want you to run to the counter and get on. 3...2...1." Denmark sprinted straight towards the counter, and literally jumped on. "Holy shit, that thing belongs in Australia's backyard!"

"Norge." "What?" "That was the first time you've called me honey." Denmark had a very accomplished look on his face, Norway, an embarrassed one.

4 out of 5 Nordics waited on the counter. Unfortunately, the 5th was no where to be seen.

After about two hours, Sweden entered the kitchen. "SWEDEN!" They all screamed. Sweden took one look at the spider, and was up on the counter in no time, hiding behind Finland. "…That's weird."

Indeed it was. Finland had seen Sweden man up to huge animals and insects before. So what was wrong with a (huge) spider? Finland had seen him punch a bear in the face before, and that bear was 14x larger than the spider!

Oh, dear.

Now the spider was advancing. It slowly dragged itself across the table. "Oh…" "That thing looks like it could swallow Puffin without any problem!" "Is that what happened to Puffin?" "What?" They asked Iceland in unison. "Puffin was… gone this morning. I asked Hong Kong where he was, and he didn't know."

Oh my.

"I say Sweden kills it!" "Why can't you? Where's your battle ax?" "Uh." "Great."

Denmark pushed Sweden off the counter. The spider dropped off the table. Sweden made a mad scramble to get back on.

"Denmark!" "Sorry Norge, I voted him to go." "But that doesn't mean you can push him off the counter and expect it to die!"

Somehow, the spider slowly made its way up the counter. It got on the counter top and bared its fangs. "This." "Is." "The." "End." "Puffin!"

Sweden held onto Finland tighter, Finland held onto Sweden, Denmark and Norway shared one last kiss, and Iceland grabbed onto Puffin's legs and flew away.

Wait. What?

"I THOUGHT PUFFIN WAS DEAD!" "I thought so too, until 30 seconds ago!" Hence, he called out Puffin.

"Sorry guys, Puffin can only hold one!" Iceland called down, as Puffin carried him to safety (the living room).

The 4 remaining Nordics stood terrified, staring at the spider. The spider hissed.

"Hey, there's my spider!" came a familiar (to Denmark, it was his drinking buddy.) voice. "Australia!" "Sorry, mates. Lost him for a bit!" Australia picked up the spider with no problem, and the spider retracted its fangs.

"Later!" Australia called.

Denmark hopped off the counter. "Well then." He walked off with Norway, probably to whine at Iceland. Finland finally coaxed Sweden off the counter, and they walked off.

There was no problem after that. Except for Sweden's reoccurring nightmares.

* * *

**We all have our flaws.**

**This doesn't revolve around Sweden as much as I'd like it to, but it's my final Picking on the Nordics, and I sort of wanted to get it done. So... yeah. I'm thinking of doing a Picking on the Baltics three-part series. I really would, but I'd have to think about it. I don't have any ideas.**

**I know you're all like "5 entries to FanFiction in 3 days! Cool it, lady!". It's just that I'm trying to get as many ideas into writing and published as possible before summer break is over, so I have 2 days to get the ideas that were in my head out while I still have time, so they don't bother me during the school year. Believe me, they've been there all summer, just floating around.**

**This actually happened. I was at a friends house. We were pretending we were the Nordics, but since they aren't my usual cosplay friends, we were pretending to have a Nordic sleepover. With girly pajamas. We decided we were fem!Nordics, and so my friend that was cosplaying Finland went into the kitchen to get her (huge) makeup bag. Oh, what a mistake. So I sent the Norway into the kitchen to see what was taking so long. They didn't come back for a little while, so the Iceland went. Iceland didn't come back either, so I, Denmark, went to see what was wrong. I got in there, saw them on the counter, and was all "What the fuck you guys.", but then I saw this huge-ass spider on the table, so I screamed and literally jumped onto the counter (Oh the things you do on adrenaline.). We sat there for a really long time, so finally our Sweden decided to stop watching TV and come to see what the heck is going on. (They don't take it seriously when I scream, I do that a lot.)**

**Unfortunately for us, even though she was RIGHT NEXT to all the knifes, AND they were out in the open, she's an extreme arachnophobia person, so she was right on the counter with us. We sat there scared out of our wits, Sweden crying, as that spider dropped off the table and somehow made it onto our counter. That's when Finland's brother came in the kitchen for something to drink, saw HIS PET SPIDER terrorizing us, and picked it up. No problem whatsoever. He put the spider up in its cage, and we were all hugging him and stuff, and I go "LET'S GET MARRIED!" Which is weird, because we made him Russia. Fun party, though!  
**


End file.
